I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
