Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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