I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
