We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
