i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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