Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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