Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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