it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
