Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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