Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
