I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
