does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
