I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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