Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Vodka?
Forever.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
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