My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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