get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You have to summon your inner elephant
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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