You're so nebulous sometimes
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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