we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
being pregnant is like rehab
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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