There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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