I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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