Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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