OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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