Someone shit on the floor
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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