Swine flu. Run for my life!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
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