see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
