1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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