9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize