Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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