it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
