now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
