theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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