She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
