It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
