The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
