the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
