I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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