I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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