Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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