do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
