Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Randomize