zippers are such a cool invention
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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