At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
