We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
