I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
