it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
