I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
