I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
