the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
why is half of my head shaved?
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