I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
