So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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