As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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