If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
