Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
