so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I met the friendliest cop last night
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize