i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
