I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
