Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
