its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
