the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
