Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
