his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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