so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
