no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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