Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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