he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
