That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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