I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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