that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
