I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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