Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
