Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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