Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Randomize
