i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
it was like having sex with a tree stump
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
