Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Two words: blizzard sex
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
