Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Is it because I queefed?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
