No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I fill condoms, not promises.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize