My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
