real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
