dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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