Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
