I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
