You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
