I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
