I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
