I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
