her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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