Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
