the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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