So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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