Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
