i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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