I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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