Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
