So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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