Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
