Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We are all done wearing pants today
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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