I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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