well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
